The hilarity of backhanded compliments

Recently, a friend and I had a great time trading backhanded compliments — compliments that are really put-downs. Here are a few of them. Feel free to add some of your own in the comments.

There are so many words I could use to describe you. None of which should be said in front of children.

You’re not nearly as fat as you used to be.

I’m sure there were times your mother was proud of you.

You have a style all your own.

Stop looking down on yourself. That’s our job.

You aren’t bad looking. You just make everyone else look better.

If there was a market for tasteless, nauseating food, you could totally start your own chain of restaurants.

I will never forget your performance tonight. Never. Ever. No matter how hard I will try. Lord, please help me!

You have that unique ability to keep on going, even when everyone is begging you to stop.

You are NOT dumb as a door post. Door posts don’t even have brains.

I’d really like to hire you. But we already have enough employees who don’t know what they’re doing.

Your haircut sure is shorter than it was before.

Did you cut your hair yourself? Without a mirror?

Your body odor is nowhere near as bad as everyone says it is.

I’m sure there are people out there who like you.

That is the best clown costume I’ve ever seen!