I am so out of control

Ever take stock of your life like they do at a retail store? Checking the inventory on the shelves, the stuff everyone sees? Totaling up everything in the back that no one sees but you?

I’ve been doing some recently. It doesn’t add up. Things are out of control.

Vocationally, my work situation is so unsettled and insecure. Being a church planter is just about as helpless feeling as starting a new business. And as I look at adding a podcast to this blog, I shake my head at myself and think, “Why would anyone listen to me?”

Financially, well, when jobs are insecure, so are finances. It’s amazing how close to the financial edge so many of us walk.

Relationally, I’m in a cooling off period with some people who are dear to me, praying that we can regain trust and make peace. But my gut is in turmoil over it.

Politically, I look at our nation’s Presidential election and I quickly bury my head in the sand, not wanting to think through the consequences of the main contenders.

Parentally, I’ve got one kid in elementary school, one in middle school, one in high school, and one in college. How’s that for hitting for the cycle? Their concerns and needs and stages of development and spiritualities are so different.

Spiritually, the Wind of the Spirit blows as he wills, not as I will. And my responses are far from trusting so often. And my praying is far too thin.

All of these are out of control. At least, they’re out of my control. The grace that runs through them all like a silver thread is the Presence. The Holy One is never far and always good. Ever loving, ever capable, I know I am safe in his hands.

My heart just needs to trust and enjoy the ride.